because i'm right and you're wrong...that's why!!

good grief it's hard raising kids sometimes!

take the other day, for instance. we were in the car when jaymes says "mama, do you know who jesse shore is?" nope. not a clue. is he the latest heartthrob? should i be scanning the most current cover of tiger beat magazine to see just who this jesse shore is and what he's all about? is he related to pauly shore? jaymes shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know, she'd just heard the name. about 5 minutes later, it occurred to me that she was talking about jersey shore. wtf???

there is a reason we raise our girls like it's 1975. we have done our best to raise thoughtful, sweet kids, not sheltered, but somewhat naive. i don't let the girls watch tv anymore. i'm a firm believer that television will turn a child's brain to mush faster than anything. i don't want my girl's innocent little minds poisoned with all the shit that is being thrown in their faces faster than i can beat it off with a club! sometimes a movie is played as a treat, or i might download some episodes of bewitched, i dream of jeannie or brady bunch, but no current television shows...ever! now, granted, in 1975 we were all watching tv...and a lot of it, but back then television was not the root of all evil that it certainly is today. even the little pre~k programs like sprout and sesame street are total garbage. and shame on disney!!!! for cryin' out loud, i'm sure walt would have something to say about all this miley cyrus crap! disney went from being the bastion of childhood innocence with movies like "swiss family robinson" and "the apple dumpling gang" to practically whoring out these young girls nowadays. i'm sure we'd never have seen haley mills grinding on a pole, shaking her ass for the teen and pre~teens for whom she is allegedly a role model, it disgusts me to no end. i realize that the times, they are a changin', but gheeeez...really? there is nothing of good moral quality on the boob tube...only sex~charged ads, fast food commercials, cheap ass battery~operated toys made in china ads, reality tv commercials, these are not things our children should be watching. so tv is an easy one to cut out. the way i see it, all future generations will be spending plenty of time in front of a screen. my girls will be googling and wikipedia~ing to study and inform themselves...not looking it up in an outdated set of encyclopedias, hoping to find it, but maybe not. between cell phones and computers, that's enough screen time.

we've done a great job exposing the girls to all kinds of music, except country music, which sucks ass and should be banished from the planet forever and ever! but i digress... when jaymes was a baby, and i'm talking new baby, she would cry and cry and sometimes and the only way to get her to stop was to drive around in the car (not always convenient) or just simply pop in a george michael cd. she wasn't picky...george michael or wham, it mattered not. the soothing sound of his voice was like magic to her. george michael was musical valium!!! even from that early age, my girl loved the mo's!!!! smart cookie! she claims that barry white is her favorite singer, and i bet there are few 9 year olds, if any, who hear "lonesome loser" and say "hey! i love the little river band!"




for her school talent show this year, she wants to sing "whatcha see is whatcha get" by the dramatics, a group of six black men who sang this top ten hit in 1971. either that or "rehab" by amy winehouse! i dig this about my kid! and the parental shock value is priceless to me!!



my kids have been raised with awesome musical taste. but then the unthinkable happened a few months back... we were riding along in the car and jaymes said "mama, can you put on z100?" i immediately pulled over and whipped around in my seat. "how do you know about z100?!!?" sensing my dismay and utter disappointment at her question, she said "i don't know." i took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. i told her that she wasn't in trouble, although i realized by my reaction to her request that i may have come off as such. "just tell me, baby! who introduced you to z100?" she told me she heard it with one of her friends in their parents car. ok. that's going to happen, right? other kids will expose her to things and that's part of growing up. right? well, if it's so normal, then why am i having such a problem with it? you see, it's not my kids...its all the other kids whose parents have exposed them to this trash. they, in turn, expose the trash to my angelic children. after trying to fight it, i realized that i just needed to trust her judgment. i mean, we've done a great job teaching her right from wrong. this is the time when parents need to be confident that they've done their best to instill good decision making skills in their kids. she can listen to z100 in her room, not in my ride! i have often exclaimed "this song is not appropriate!!" she says to me "i know, mama, but i'm not listening to the words. i just like the beat!" i get that!! i hear what she's saying. but it's still a bug up my ass to hear my sweet little girl listening to music where they sing about going to the clubs. and if she's liking a certain music, her little copy~cat sister is tagging right along after her. aarrgggggggghhhh!!!!! when i was pregnant with jaymes, jack rubbed coco butter lotion on my belly every night. when i got knocked up with reese, jaymes was 4 and wanted in on that coco butter action. so every night i'd strip down to my panties so jaymes and jack could rub coco butter all over my huge belly. we usually had a cd playing, something sultry and sexy because that was what was in our cd player in the bedroom. well, one evening, late in my pregnancy, i noticed that the cd in my bedroom was missing. as a mom who was aware of my kid's stellar taste in music, i checked her cd player and there it was, my keith washington cd. i was tucking jaymes into bed later and bento, our cat, was there too, snuggling in, as cats do. he was working on kneading that cozy spot next to sparkle, jaymes teddy bear. bento's paws were kneading and kneading until he was just about to cozy in with jaymes and sparkle, when jaymes looks at me and says "mama! look at bento! he's making sweet love to sparkle!" needless to say, i took back my keith washington cd that night. that girl of mine DOES listen to the words, who is she trying to kid??!!

i will tirelessly continue to try to shield my girls from all this shit. jaymes will often look at me with this look on her face as if to say "geez mom, what can i do?" i feel her pain, i really do, but still...nothing disney comes into the house, unless it was made before 1975. this is my appropriate disney benchmark year, everything after that went to hell. apparel emblazoned with the words "disney" or "princess" go straight to the donation box. and please don't ever give my girls sweatpants with "princess" or anything else across the ass in rhinestones because that is just wrong! do i sound like a hard~ass mom? i suppose i am, somewhat, but all that aside, i'm a cool mom too. there's a lot of naughty stuff i would let her do. for instance, making prank phone calls. but modern technology, such as caller i.d. has screwed my children out of the opportunity of having some good clean fun with a stranger on the phone. it isn't fair. so thank you, modern technology, for screwing my children out of this precious childhood memory!! but, i have yet to introduce them to the thrill and excitement of playing ding dong ditch, maybe this summer.

i want my girls to be bad~ass, non~conforming chicks who are smart, cool and do NOT go with the flow. if someone should mention "high school musical" or bruno mars, i want them to ask "who is that?" kids are exposed to too much shit and i don't want my girls to be a part of that group. i just want to raise my rugrats with the same kind of childhood my parents gave to me...innocent, loving, involved. no hatred, no bigotry, no brainwashing. is that too much to ask??